Clean 'til Christmas

Well, folks... it's about that time of year again.

You know, that time of year where you look in the mirror and think, "Holy shart on a shart-stick. Who is that? Where has the year gone? What have I been eating? When was the last time I worked out? What is that congregation of flub doing around my upper thighs?"

We're coming up on holiday-season, and you know what my body is saying?

"Hey, Kelsie. Eat the cookie. Let's store up some fat for the winter. It'll keep you nice and warm... you can hide it under lumpy sweaters and work it off once spring comes... Eh? Eh eh eh?"

My rebuttal?

"AW, HELL NAW."

And, true to form... I have a plan.

MyPlate

You know how they used to have the Food Pyramid?

And then they changed it to MyPyramid, which was a little dude walking up some stairs on the side of a pyramid that was multicolored and made no sense?

Well, now they have MyPlate.

Here she is, in all her glory:

March Madness: The Prequel

I must be crazy.

No, seriously, I have to be crazy.

Today, whilst babysitting, I checked Twitter (for those of you I babysit for... pretend you didn't just read that).

I saw a tweet regarding "March Madness Fitness Health Food blah blah blah" - the exact wording escapes me.

The point is this: I have decided to design my very own, month-long, diet-and-fitness-oriented, insane March Madness experiment.

Commence guinea-pig mode... NOW.

Metabolism: Then vs. Now

Metabolism affects a lot of things about a person – weight management, hunger levels, nutrient absorption… just to name a few.

But what if I told you that, biologically speaking, a slow metabolism is actually preferred?

A three-headed approach to fitness... or something.

You know that three-headed dog in the Harry Potter series? Fluffy?

Fluffy is terrifying. Come on, admit it... but what is it about him that makes so many children wet their beds? Why does even The Boy Who Lived turn and run like a little girl?

I'll tell you why: it's because he has THREE HEADS. When one of them is trying to kill you from the front, you have to worry about the other two attacking you from the sides. I mean, jeez. Even if you cut off ONE of his heads, you'd still have a serious problem to worry about.

Here's where I'm going with this - your fitness should be three-headed. Three-pronged. A Trifecta of Fitness. A tricycle of health and happiness that you can ride daily. Okay, okay, I'll stop.