Clean 'til Christmas - Week 1

So, here's the thing.

This week was a learning experience.

And, by "a learning experience," I mean...

It was thuper duper rough.

Let's dig deeper, shall we?

Clean 'til Christmas

Well, folks... it's about that time of year again.

You know, that time of year where you look in the mirror and think, "Holy shart on a shart-stick. Who is that? Where has the year gone? What have I been eating? When was the last time I worked out? What is that congregation of flub doing around my upper thighs?"

We're coming up on holiday-season, and you know what my body is saying?

"Hey, Kelsie. Eat the cookie. Let's store up some fat for the winter. It'll keep you nice and warm... you can hide it under lumpy sweaters and work it off once spring comes... Eh? Eh eh eh?"

My rebuttal?

"AW, HELL NAW."

And, true to form... I have a plan.

Chocolate Chip Breakfast Biscuits

Once upon a time, Kelsie came across a really grotesque recipe for chocolate chip cookies. This recipe, in all its artery-clogging glory, contained gads of sugar, oodles of oils, and just a freaking ton of other horrifying ingredients that should never come near the human body.

Kelsie, being a total wizard (Gryffindor) in the kitchen, decided to wave her magic wand (11 inches, dragon heartstring, firm yet yielding) and give this recipe a complete makeover.

In other words, Kelsie replaced almost every single ingredient with a healthier ingredient, and, violá! These Chocolate Chip Breakfast Biscuits were born.

Sure beats Cocoa Puffs... (Please don't sue me, General Mills).

MyPlate

You know how they used to have the Food Pyramid?

And then they changed it to MyPyramid, which was a little dude walking up some stairs on the side of a pyramid that was multicolored and made no sense?

Well, now they have MyPlate.

Here she is, in all her glory:

March Madness: the Epic Conclusion

I'm going to let you in on a little secret.

No, seriously, I am.

You might want to sit down for this. It's a pretty big deal.

Are you ready? Are you sitting? Have you cleared the area of hot liquids and breakable antiques?

Good.

Because here it is:

March Madness Update: The Detox

Fact: I went three days without eating solid food.

Fact: I only felt hungry twice during this time.

Fact: I didn't die! <insert sigh of relief here>

March Madness: The Prequel

I must be crazy.

No, seriously, I have to be crazy.

Today, whilst babysitting, I checked Twitter (for those of you I babysit for... pretend you didn't just read that).

I saw a tweet regarding "March Madness Fitness Health Food blah blah blah" - the exact wording escapes me.

The point is this: I have decided to design my very own, month-long, diet-and-fitness-oriented, insane March Madness experiment.

Commence guinea-pig mode... NOW.

The Freshman Fifteen: CONQUERED

Let me just say, I'm fascinated by the "freshman 15." FASCINATED BY IT.

Why, why, WHY, does everyone gain weight in college? WHY?! And I mean everyone. Even the skinniest of bi#$@es can't avoid it. Even I can't avoid it, speaking experientially.

Is it because of the drinking?
Is it because of the stress of classes and extracurriculars?
Is it because we're suddenly surrounded by people with different eating habits?
Is it because our schedules are unpredictable, so we just eat all day instead of having actual meals?
Is it because there are no "family dinners," which have been proven to aid in weight loss and healthy eating habits?
Is it because we're suddenly on our own and don't know how to cook and what to eat?
Is it because the only way colleges can get students to attend events is if there's "free food!"?
Is it a lack of education?
Is it a lack of motivation?
Is it a lack of money?

Chocolate Berry Pie for one

Today, I found myself quite sick.

As in, I feel like someone stuffed a basketball into my head and poured acid down my throat.

So what did I do?

Well, first I slept for three hours.

Then, I watched Harry Potter. Lots of Harry Potter.

THEN...

I decided to make a pie.

A tiny pie.

Ginger Lime Chicken (for one)

You guys.

You guys.

YOU GUYS.

This recipe rocks so hard, I'm pretty sure my taste buds will automatically reject anything else I try to eat...

Which is a huge bummer, considering how much I love food.

I literally took one bite of this and stopped to type this post, because you guys deserve to know how awesome this dish is.

Quinoa Mac 'n Cheese

This recipe is one of the many ways I celebrated my 20th birthday, and let me tell you, it's the gift that keeps on giving...

Mostly because I made a full recipe and, well, there's only one of me.

I mean, a girl can only eat so much cheese in a day!

SO.

This recipe rocks for many reasons:

1. It reinvents the classic "Om nom nom mac n' cheese with tons of butter!"
2. It is relatively healthy.
3. It tastes like my childhood.
4. It's preeeeeetty easy to make.
5. It will fool your friends and children. Guaranteed.

Tropical Homemade Ice Cream

Let's just discuss for a moment how stellar this looks.

Green Tropical Smoothie

Two days ago, I moved to Chicago.

Yesterday, I explored the city.

Today, I invented a smoothie.

The smoothie changed my life.

The other two were cool as well.

Substitutions

This is something I came across, and I thought you would like to see it!

I use these baking substitutions all the time - that way, you can still use regular old recipes and mix and match to your liking.

That's really it for now!

Happy baking. =]

Kelsie

Invisible Veggie Muffins

I'm not going to beat around the bush on this one.

These are the best muffins... period.

And I don't just mean "the best" as in "Mmm, they're really good" or "Yay, it's a muffin."

No.

I mean "the best" as in "This muffin has EVERYTHING," "I could literally eat this muffin for every meal and be satisfied," and "Holy fireballs, there are VEGETABLES in this muffin?!"

Yes. All that, and more.

Are you convinced?

Okay, good. Let's move on.

TWO recipes?!

That little thing after my title?

You know, this thing: ?!

That's called an interrobang.

But enough of that, this ain't no words blog, shewt.

Today, after a too-long hiatus from blogging for which I have no excuse (something I also like to call "Extreme Boredom Mixed with an Extreme Lack of Motivation"), I have TWO (yes, count them: one... and-a-two) recipes to share with you. They are for:

1. Do-It-Yourself (DIY) Granola!
2. The Everything Bite

Metabolism: Then vs. Now

Metabolism affects a lot of things about a person – weight management, hunger levels, nutrient absorption… just to name a few.

But what if I told you that, biologically speaking, a slow metabolism is actually preferred?

The Wonders of Interval Training

Oh man, interval training. I write of it with fondness. Also, with soreness.

My treadmill runs used to look something like this:

• 30 minutes at 6 miles per hour

...and that's it.

I used to get bored SO easily, and my 30-minute runs felt like they lasted hours. All I could think about was how the sweat was running into my eyes, and how my lungs felt like they were exploding, and how my legs felt like they were giving out.

My mom's breakfast casserole

Okay, so this breakfast casserole is, how they say, le bomb.

It's full of complex carbs which makes it a great source of energy in the morning - just go easy on the cheese!

A three-headed approach to fitness... or something.

You know that three-headed dog in the Harry Potter series? Fluffy?

Fluffy is terrifying. Come on, admit it... but what is it about him that makes so many children wet their beds? Why does even The Boy Who Lived turn and run like a little girl?

I'll tell you why: it's because he has THREE HEADS. When one of them is trying to kill you from the front, you have to worry about the other two attacking you from the sides. I mean, jeez. Even if you cut off ONE of his heads, you'd still have a serious problem to worry about.

Here's where I'm going with this - your fitness should be three-headed. Three-pronged. A Trifecta of Fitness. A tricycle of health and happiness that you can ride daily. Okay, okay, I'll stop.